Cultivating a happy interracial relationship is difficult in the fact that upbringing and culture is at many times extremely different. I have been dating a person of a different race for the past few months. He is Chinese Italian and Hungarian and I am Colombian and Haitian. I grew up a dancer, it was part of my family culture to perform and withhold the tradition of dancing. Dancing was all my Colombian family did when we saw each other or got together. My boyfriend on the other hand had been brought up in a household that did not dance whatsoever. He not knowing how to dance was a bit of an obstacle for us because he felt awkward when my family got together and he‘d just sit there. Another obstacle was our upbringing and our ideas on how to raise children. Our ideas on discipline and spoiling was extremely different since we were both disciplined in different ways. It was a topic that we argued on at least three times. It sometimes came to the point where I had thoughts about ending the relationship due to the fact that I didn’t think I’d be able to raise my kids the way I thought they should be if we were to procreate. Another argument on procreation was what hair the child should have and he mentioned that he wanted them to have his hair since I have “nappy” hair it is not “good” hair. Which I opposed against because I think black hair is beautiful and any hair in general is beautiful in it’s own way. An additional barrier was food I was brought up eating all different types of food due to family views on the different economies my family was brought up in. My Haitian side ate really spicy foods such as curry and vegetables. My boyfriends did not eat spicy food and was brought up not to eat foods so spicy and he did not eat vegetables. He was shown to be somewhat of a picky eater. I on the other hand was brought up not to be, since I was told one day you might not have food on your plate so value and appreciate what you have now.
Having a satisfied mixed racial relationship is hard due to the reason that there are difficulties in interests and in families there are stereotypes and discrimination. A 19 year old man who is Puerto Rican and Dominican shares his views on this topic with me since he himself had dated a Caucasian woman. Their families and their parents and upbringings were completely different. He tells me their interests were dissimilar in the fact that they both always wanted to watch completely different shows. He says what he found funny she did not and what she found funny he did not. He quotes “Its challenging not to be able to relate and enjoy something you like with someone you care for.” It was written by Nadra Kareem that “Even someone who dates interracially today runs the risk of incurring the disapproval of friends and family.”
In morals and stereotypes he tells me due to the fact that he is Spanish his girlfriend’s Caucasian family believed that he was going to get the Caucasian daughter pregnant and leave him since “that’s what Spanish men do”. It was hard for him to take her out because her father had this thought engraved in his mind. He always ran into arguments due to that belief and proved them wrong but he was driven to the point where could no longer deal. In result he broke a two year relationship with a person he dearly cared about.
The science of happiness has helped many cultivate in happiness within their relationships. The author Tal Ben-Shahar of Happier writes “spend time together [engage] in activities that [you] care about most, .. Build a foundation.” (Ben-Shahar) Which is what my Puerto Rican Dominican friend had done and my boyfriend and I are trying to do. It has helped us learn about each other and compromise in certain situations. Since dancing was a huge part of my culture my boyfriend attempted to learn how to dance and has mustered up enough courage to dance with my family members. He has actually done such a great job assimilating. My boyfriend is a teacher and a coach he has invited me into his work place and to watch his games there I viewed the way he treats children and have seen the way he disciplines and learned to understand his different methods of disciplining. I have learned to accept it. On the topic of food my boyfriend has gone out of the way to try different foods that my family has made and he has come to accept and actually enjoy many different plates that he wasn’t used to. Dr. Phil in the article Prepare an Open Heart wrote “ By keeping the lines of communication open, you can maintain your position of support and influence.” Bobby Taylor & The Vancouvers sing “We've got to be strong For love that's so right Can't be wrong”. The 19 year old man says that he now wishes that he had spoke to his then girlfriend further about the way her father and family made him feel so that he didn’t feel alone in that situation. They may have actually lasted much longer. My boyfriend has gotten me to followed this quote in that we speak about every obstacle and challenge that we come up against this has actually gotten us through many of them. Dr. Phil also writes “If someone has animosity toward you, the only thing you can do is prepare an open heart, so that it’s open should he/she ever change his/her mind. Which is what the 19 year old did and he might have carried through the challenges longer and had communicated through would have actually helped him.
Cultivating a satisfying mixed racial relationship is difficult but there are many ways that the science of happiness can help. As you can see spending time together, communicating, compromising can help deal through the cultural differences, through the discrimination and through the challenges. Resulting in a happier relationship.
Hi, I am The FatSpanishMan and I will be "reviewing" your paper I guess. I like your topic. Some interracial relationships are easier than others.
ReplyDeleteYou tend to have some grammar and sentence structure issues. Some sentences are too long and need to be reworded and separated. Ex: "Another argument on procreation was what hair the child should have and he mentioned that he wanted them to have his hair since I have “nappy” hair it is not “good” hair." A way you can fix it is: Another argument on procreation was the hair type our child would have. He wanted their kids to have his hair because my hair is "nappy," which he considered not to be "good."
When presenting quotes like the one from Nadra Kareem, instead of using "it was written by," you can use "according to" or "Kareem says," or Kareem mentions."
After introducing a quote, you have to give some sort of explanation in your own words what that means or you can just paraphrase the whole quote.
You should follow-up the first paragraph about your relationship with your boyfriend with the 2nd paragraph about your bf. It just flows better since you first address the issues you guys had and the 2nd one addresses how you guys handled it.